Every year on May 9th, we gather together—not in parades, not in candlelight vigils—but quietly by our dryers, to honor the one true mystery that has plagued humankind for generations: Where the hell do all the socks go?
Yes, friends, it’s National Lost Sock Memorial Day, a sacred time to reflect on the unmatched, the disappeared, and the ones cruelly abandoned in laundry baskets across America.
A Day of Mourning (and Mismatching)
Let’s face it, we’ve all been victims. You go into the laundry room with a complete, happily paired sock squad—and you come out with a sock orphaned and confused, wondering what it did wrong.
Did it escape to Sock Heaven? Did it get drafted into the Secret Society of Dust Rags? Or has your dryer been working with a black hole this whole time?
We may never know.
But today, we don’t search. We don’t question. We honor.
How to Properly Observe National Lost Sock Memorial Day
1. Hold a Sock Service.
Gather your solo socks in a basket. Light a candle (or just turn on the dryer light—it counts). Say a few words like:
“You kept my feet warm and stylish. You were there for cold mornings and uncomfortable shoes. You deserved better.”
2. Get Creative With the Survivors.
Mismatched socks? Fashion statement. Sock puppets? Therapeutic. Sock bun for your hair? Boom—innovative grieving.
3. Let Go.
This is the perfect day to toss the singles you’ve been saving in hopes of a reunion. Like that one ex—we need to accept they’re not coming back, and we deserve better.
Sock It to the Pain
National Lost Sock Memorial Day isn’t just about laundry. It’s about acceptance, resilience, and maybe, just maybe, learning to use a mesh laundry bag.
So go forth, mismatched and proud. Today we honor the fallen—but tomorrow, we wear wild pairs like warriors.
And if you do find that missing sock?
Well, maybe miracles do happen.
Until next time,
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