Straight talk first:
A partner who humiliates you in public isn’t “just joking,” “telling it like it is,” or “helping you toughen up.” They’re showing you—loudly and proudly—how little respect they have for you. Public humiliation is emotional abuse dressed up as entertainment, and the spotlight is its favorite stage.
What Public Humiliation Looks Like (Because Gaslighters Love to Redefine Reality)
|
Humiliation Move |
Their Favorite Excuse |
Reality Check |
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Mocking your appearance, weight, job, or family at dinners, parties, or on social media |
“Relax, everyone’s laughing!” |
If the joke requires your dignity as payment, it isn’t comedy—it’s cruelty. |
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Exposing private info (your trauma, finances, sex life) for a cheap laugh |
“I’m just being honest.” |
Honesty without consent is voyeurism. |
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Imitating your mannerisms or accent to get a reaction from their buddies |
“Lighten up, it’s an impression!” |
That “impression” is an impression of contempt. |
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Using pet names like “dummy,” “lazy,” or “crazy” in crowded spaces |
“It’s our thing!” |
Nope. It’s their thing. Your silence isn’t consent; it’s conditioning. |
Why They Do It
1. Power Play – Shaming you publicly boosts their status while shrinking yours.
2. Crowd Control – If witnesses laugh along, you’re less likely to confront them without looking “over-sensitive.”
3. Test Balloon – They’re measuring how far they can push your boundaries. If you stay, the abuse graduates from jokes to isolation.
4. Deflection – Spotlight on your “flaws” keeps eyes off their own.
How to Respond in the Moment (Without Starting World War III at Olive Garden)
|
Tactic |
What It Sounds Like |
Why It Works |
|
Name It: Call out the behavior, not your worth. |
“That comment felt humiliating. Let’s pause.” |
Shifts focus from you being “touchy” to them being disrespectful. |
|
Exit Stage Left: Physically remove yourself. |
“I’m stepping outside to breathe. We’ll talk later.” |
Deprives them of the audience they crave. |
|
Flip the Script (Humor with Teeth): |
“Wow, thanks for that TED Talk on my life. Questions after the break?” |
Meets mockery with controlled sarcasm—signals you see the game and aren’t playing. |
|
Set a Hard Boundary—Publicly: |
“Jokes at my expense stop now.” |
Sends a clear signal to both them and bystanders. |
After the Show: Debrief & Decide
1. Document – Note dates, comments, witnesses. Abuse loves the shadows; keep receipts.
2. Discuss (Once Calm) – If they minimize, deflect, or blame you, that’s data: they choose the behavior.
3. Non-Negotiable Boundary – “No more public digs. One more and I’m out the door.” Back it with action.
4. Support Network – Friends, therapist, support group—people who remind you humiliation isn’t love.
When to Leave (Spoiler: Probably Sooner Than Later)
• They blame you for being hurt.
• Apologies recycle: “Sorry you were offended.”
• The digs escalate or move private-to-public and back again.
• You feel constant dread before social events.
Healthy partners protect your dignity; they don’t auction it for laughs
Quick-Fire Myth Busting
• “But they only do it when they’re drunk.”
Alcohol lowers inhibitions; it doesn’t invent new values.
• “Everyone in their family jokes like that.”
Toxic traditions are still toxic.
• “They’re insecure; I should reassure them.”
You’re a partner, not an emotional punching bag or therapist.
Power-Up Homework (Because BoundarySolutions Is All About Action)
1. Humiliation Audit: List the last five times they embarrassed you. Note the setting, crowd reaction, your feelings. Patterns pop faster than popcorn in a microwave.
2. Non-Negotiable Statement: Draft a one-sentence boundary you can deliver calmly. Practice in the mirror until it feels like muscle memory.
3. Exit Strategy Brainstorm: Identify a safe space to go (friend’s house, hotel, relative) if boundaries fail. Write it down; clarity beats panic.
Final Take
You deserve a partner who cheers you on, not one who treats you like open-mic material. Public humiliation isn’t a quirky personality trait—it’s a neon sign flashing “EMOTIONAL ABUSE AHEAD.” See it, believe it, act on it.
Ready to trade the humiliation stage for a healthier relationship arena? Book a free Break-the-Cycle strategy call at BoundarySolutions and reclaim the mic—this time, on your own terms.
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P.S. If your partner’s “jokes” ever escalate into threats or violence, skip the boundary talk and contact a domestic violence hotline immediately. Safety first, sass later.