You ever notice how some people feel the need to hand out character profiles like it’s a damn dating app?
“She’s toxic.”
“He’s a narcissist.”
“They never did anything for me.”
And sometimes, those words come from parents—about their ex, about grandparents, about siblings, friends… basically anyone who ever wronged them.
Now look, I’m not saying those experiences aren’t real. I am saying this:
I don’t need to turn someone into a monster just because they hurt me.
And I sure as hell don’t need to write the story for someone else before they get a chance to live it.
See, I’m not the same person to everyone I meet.
You’re not either.
None of us are.
People bring out different versions of us. Sometimes we show up soft. Sometimes we show up guarded. Sometimes we show up with receipts and rage. But that doesn’t mean we’re only that one version of ourselves all the time.
So if my kids want a relationship with someone I can’t stand?
Their aunts. My ex. That friend I had to block for my own sanity?
Guess what?
They’re allowed to find out for themselves.
Not everyone gets treated the same. Not everyone sees the same sides. And while I might have every reason under the sun to keep my distance—I don’t have to recruit anyone else into that choice.
That’s not protecting people.
That’s controlling the narrative.
If someone treats my kid like gold, I’m not going to sabotage that because they treated me like garbage. If one day it turns out that person shows their true colors again, then my kid will see that for themselves. And when they do? I’ll be right here. Not with an “I told you so,” but with a “Yeah. I know. That’s why I had to step away.”
But I won’t take away the chance for someone else to experience something different just because I didn’t.
That’s not grace. That’s just human.